Sophie Sessions: I Asked Sophie to Help Me Negotiate My Salary in English. She Caught Three Phrases That Were Sabotaging Me.
Last Tuesday, an Italian marketing director called Marco booked a Sophie session specifically to rehearse a salary negotiation. He had been offered a senior role at a London-based fintech, and the offer was €12,000 below what he had quietly decided he needed. He had one phone call scheduled with the hiring manager to push back. He wanted to practise the script in English first.
He played both parts. Sophie was the hiring manager. He was himself. The first round took four minutes. Sophie listened, asked clarifying questions, and let him build his case the way he would on the real call.
Then she stopped him.
She had heard three phrases in his English that she said would, in her experience, weaken his position with a native English-speaking hiring manager. None of them were grammatical errors. All three were direct calques from how Marco would have negotiated in Italian.
This is what she caught, and why.
Phrase one: "I would like to ask if it would be possible..."
Marco opened the negotiation with this. In Italian, the equivalent construction ("vorrei chiederti se sarebbe possibile...") is professional and softening. It signals respect and gives the other party room to refuse without conflict. In Italian business culture, it is the correct register for a difficult conversation with someone senior.
In English, Sophie said, it does something different. It signals you are not sure you have the right to ask. The triple softening — "I would like to ask" plus "if it would be possible" — reads, to a native English ear, as the speaker pre-conceding the negotiation before it has begun. The hiring manager hears it and registers, before Marco has even said what he wants, that Marco is going to accept whatever comes back.
Sophie's correction: "I want to talk about the salary number." Six words. No softening. No conditional. The directness is not rudeness — it is the register English uses for serious negotiation. The respect is in the seriousness of the framing, not in the apologetic packaging.
Marco protested that "I want" sounded rude. Sophie pointed out that "I want" is what his English-speaking counterpart would use, and that the mismatch was the real problem, not the directness.
Phrase two: "I was thinking that maybe we could discuss..."
His second move, after stating the opening figure, was to offer his counter-position with this phrase. Again, in Italian, the past continuous ("stavo pensando che forse potremmo discutere...") works well. It distances the speaker slightly from the proposal, framing it as a thought rather than a demand, which preserves the relationship.
In English, Sophie said, "I was thinking" combined with "maybe" plus "we could discuss" stacks three uncertainty markers in nine words. By the time the listener gets to what Marco actually wants to discuss, they have already concluded that Marco is not committed to his own position. The hiring manager will counter at a lower number than they would have if Marco had stated his position directly.
Sophie's correction: "I'd want to be at €95,000 for this role. Here's why." Two sentences. The first names the number. The second commits to defending it. The "I'd want" softens just enough to be polite without retreating from the position.
Marco asked whether "I'd want" was too direct. Sophie pointed out that in the actual phone call, the hiring manager would respect him more for stating the number than for hedging around it, and that the hiring manager's salary range, internally, was almost certainly built around expecting a number to be stated.
Phrase three: "If it's not too much trouble..."
His third move, when he wanted to ask for confirmation in writing, was this. Marco was about to say "If it's not too much trouble, could you send me a written version of the offer?" In Italian, "se non è troppo disturbo" is a polite frame that costs the speaker nothing.
In English, Sophie said, "if it's not too much trouble" implies that the thing being asked for is in fact troublesome, and that the speaker is bothering the listener by asking for it. For a salary negotiation, where written confirmation is standard practice, framing the request as troublesome teaches the hiring manager to treat it as optional.
Sophie's correction: "Could you put that in writing and email it to me by Friday?" Direct. Time-bound. No apology. The request is reasonable, the timing is specific, and the hiring manager will simply do it, because nothing in the framing signals it is optional.
Marco said this sounded demanding. Sophie pointed out that the demand was already implicit in the negotiation — what he was changing was just whether the hiring manager would honour the timeline. With "if it's not too much trouble," the manager would send the document next Wednesday. With "by Friday," the manager would send it by Friday.
What Sophie was actually doing
What Sophie caught in this session is the most common pattern I see in advanced non-native English speakers negotiating in English: directly translating the politeness register of their L1 into English, and not realising that the L1 register reads, in English, as a different signal entirely.
Italian polite negotiation softens to preserve relationship. English polite negotiation is direct to preserve respect. The same words that signal "I respect you" in Italian signal "I am not sure I have the right to ask" in English. The translation is not a translation — it is a misfire.
Sophie's value in a session like this is not grammar correction. It is register correction. She can hear when the speaker is using the right English words in the wrong English register, and she can suggest the rephrasing that lands the same intent in the right place.
Marco took the corrected phrasing into his actual call the following Thursday. The hiring manager came back at €91,000, which was €4,000 above his original offer and within €4,000 of Marco's target. Marco accepted. He told me afterwards that the version of the conversation Sophie had rehearsed felt like a different professional was making the call. It was him. He had just stopped translating from Italian.
TL;DR
A salary negotiation rehearsal with Sophie surfaced three phrases an Italian marketing director was about to use in English that would have weakened his position. "I would like to ask if it would be possible…" stacks softening; English uses "I want to talk about…" "I was thinking that maybe we could discuss…" stacks three uncertainty markers; English uses "I'd want to be at €95,000. Here's why." "If it's not too much trouble…" implies trouble; English uses time-bound directness. The pattern: directly translating L1 polite register into English produces a different signal in English than the speaker intends. Sophie's value is register correction, not grammar correction.
CTA: Try a free practice session with Sophie. Bring a scenario you have rehearsed in your head and never said aloud in English. She will catch the register problems you cannot hear. 60 seconds, no signup. Try a free practice session.
Learning Materials
📖 Key Vocabulary
register (linguistic)noun · C1
The variety of language a speaker uses in a particular social situation — formal, informal, polite, direct — and its conventional signalling rules.
“English negotiation uses a more direct register than Italian negotiation.”
calquenoun · C1
A word-for-word translation of a phrase from one language into another that preserves the source-language structure but loses the target-language naturalness.
“'I would like to ask if it would be possible' is a direct calque of the Italian 'vorrei chiederti se sarebbe possibile'.”
softeningnoun · B2
The use of words or grammatical structures to make a statement or request sound less direct or less demanding.
“Triple softening at the start of a salary negotiation reads as pre-conceding the negotiation.”
softenverb · B2
To make a request, statement, or position less direct, usually through grammar (would, could, might) or hedging words (maybe, perhaps).
“'I'd want' softens just enough to be polite without retreating from the position.”
hedgeverb · C1
To avoid committing to a definite position by using vague or non-committal language.
“The hiring manager will respect him more for stating the number than for hedging around it.”
conditional (linguistic)noun · B2
A verb form expressing what would happen under certain conditions — typically formed with 'would', 'could', or 'might' in English.
“'I want to talk' uses no conditional — it is the register English uses for serious negotiation.”
counter-positionnoun · C1
The position you propose in response to someone else's offer, especially in a negotiation.
“His second move was to offer his counter-position after stating the opening figure.”
concedeverb · C1
To give up a position, point, or advantage, often before being asked to.
“The triple softening reads as the speaker pre-conceding the negotiation before it has begun.”
time-boundadjective · C1
Tied to a specific deadline or timeframe rather than left open.
“'Could you email it to me by Friday?' is a time-bound request.”
framingnoun · C1
The way a request, statement, or position is presented — the verbal packaging that shapes how the listener interprets it.
“The respect is in the seriousness of the framing, not in the apologetic packaging.”
negotiationnoun · B2
A formal discussion between two or more parties aimed at reaching an agreement, especially about terms such as salary, contract, or price.
“Marco wanted to rehearse the salary negotiation in English before the real call.”
push backverb (phrasal) · C1
To formally disagree with or challenge a proposal, offer, or decision, especially in a professional setting.
“He had one phone call scheduled with the hiring manager to push back on the offer.”
performativeadjective · C1
Done for effect or to signal something to others, rather than for its literal content. In language, a phrase whose function is social signalling rather than literal meaning.
“In Italian, 'se non è troppo disturbo' is a performative politeness frame that costs the speaker nothing.”
demanding (adj.)adjective · B2
Requiring a lot from someone — used of a person, a task, or, in negotiation, a request that sounds insistent or forceful.
“Marco said the corrected phrasing sounded demanding, but Sophie pointed out the demand was already implicit.”
confirmverb · B1
To formally establish that something is true or agreed, often in writing.
“His third move was to ask the hiring manager to confirm the offer in writing.”
⚙️ Grammar Notes
Conditional softening: 'I would like to ask if it would be possible...'
English uses conditional verbs ('would', 'could') to soften single requests politely. Stacking them — 'I would like to ask' plus 'if it would be possible' — does not double the politeness; it doubles the uncertainty. A native English listener reads triple softening at the opening of a negotiation as the speaker conceding their position before it is even stated. In English, the polite register for a serious negotiation is direct: a present-tense 'I want' or 'I'd like' followed by what you want to discuss. The respect lives in the seriousness of the framing, not in the apologetic packaging.
→“"I would like to ask if it would be possible..." — Sophie's correction: "I want to talk about the salary number."”
Common mistake: Italian, French, and many other L1 backgrounds carry over multi-layered conditional politeness from their own polite register ('vorrei chiederti se sarebbe possibile', 'je voudrais vous demander s'il serait possible'). In English, one layer of conditional is polite; two or three layers signal weakness. Use 'I'd like' or 'I want' at the top of the sentence and let the directness do the work.
Past continuous as distancing: 'I was thinking that maybe we could discuss...'
The past continuous ('I was thinking') in English can soften a proposal by distancing the speaker slightly from the position — as if the idea is still in formation rather than firmly held. Used once, it can be polite. Stacked with 'maybe' and a modal in 'we could discuss', it becomes three uncertainty markers in one clause and tells the listener you are not committed to your own number. In a salary negotiation specifically, that under-commitment costs you money: the counter-offer will come in below where it would have come in if you had simply named your figure.
→“"I was thinking that maybe we could discuss..." — Sophie's correction: "I'd want to be at €95,000 for this role. Here's why."”
Common mistake: Translating Italian 'stavo pensando che forse potremmo discutere' or French 'je me disais que peut-être on pourrait discuter' word-for-word into English. In the source languages the past progressive plus hedge is professional polite distancing. In English, by the time the listener reaches your actual request, they have already discounted your commitment to it. State the position in the present or the conditional, once, and defend it.
Time-bound vs open-ended requests: 'Could you ... by Friday?' vs 'If it's not too much trouble...'
English requests are read in two parts: the politeness frame ('could you', 'would you mind') and the time-bound completion ('by Friday', 'before end of day', 'this week'). A polite frame plus a specific deadline reads as a normal, reasonable professional request. A polite frame plus 'if it's not too much trouble' tells the listener that the thing being asked for is in fact troublesome, that it is optional, and that the speaker is bothering the listener by asking. In a salary negotiation, where written confirmation is standard practice, framing it as troublesome converts a routine request into an optional one and the document arrives next Wednesday instead of by Friday.
→“"If it's not too much trouble, could you send me a written version of the offer?" — Sophie's correction: "Could you put that in writing and email it to me by Friday?"”
Common mistake: Importing performative politeness frames ('se non è troppo disturbo', 'si ce n'est pas trop demander', 'wenn es nicht zu viel Aufwand ist') that are free in the source language but signal genuine reluctance or imposition in English. Use 'Could you...' or 'Would you...' as your politeness frame, then add a concrete time-bound: 'by Friday', 'by end of day Thursday', 'before our call'. Direct, time-bound, no apology.
💬 Comprehension Questions
- 1.Why does Sophie say 'I would like to ask if it would be possible...' weakens Marco's salary negotiation, even though every word is grammatical?
- 2.What is the difference between Italian polite negotiation and English polite negotiation, according to the post?
- 3.Why does Sophie say 'if it's not too much trouble' is worse than 'by Friday' in a salary negotiation request for written confirmation?
- 4.Take a request you would typically make at work in your first language — asking a client to confirm an action, or asking a senior colleague for written feedback. Translate it word-for-word into English. Is there a polite frame that costs you nothing in your L1 (like 'se non è troppo disturbo', 'si ce n'est pas trop demander', 'wenn es Sie nicht zu sehr stört') that, translated directly, would read in English as the request being troublesome or optional? Rewrite it the way Sophie would: polite frame plus a time-bound, no apology.
- 5.Marco protested that 'I want to talk about the salary number' sounded rude. What is Sophie's response, and what does it tell us about how directness functions in English negotiation?
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